The fear of success

Most people I know are scared of failing. I am not.

I am scared of success.

YES! You heard me correctly, I am scared of success. I am not scared of trying and failing, I am scared of trying and succeeding. Does this make sense? I’m not sure. I never heard anyone say this before but this is how I felt my entire life.

I fear success. Just like it stops other people afraid of failing, it stopped me from doing so much in life and I’m tired. I have so much energy, ideas, will, I just don’t know where to start, because there is so much to do; altough I know exactly what I want to do. It’s like planning to escape from prison forever, you know what to do, where to go, how to get there but you’re scared because you haven’t seen the outside world for so long.

This is exactly how it feels

Take a step you’ll say … here’s my blog, take another one you’ll say, there’s my youtube channel, keep going you’ll add, then comes my article on consistency.

I am scared that my life will change in ways that I can’t handle, I am scared to be so successful that I will miss my current « peaceful » life. This may sound very arrogant and I really don’t care. I am not scared of failing, I have before, I hated it, like most people of course, but on the other hand I learned from it, so it was for the best.

I have so much confidence in me in most aspects of my life that sometimes it scares myself. I’m not sure this will make sense to you but I have a strong voice inside me that tells me that I will impact other peoples life for the best and that I will leave my print on this earth. That is defenetely my aim, but I ‘m scared to take this first step.

In the past I used to « lower my abilities » if I may say, just not to be « different ».

I remember pretending that I did not understand certain things that I perfectly did because I didn’t want to be different. Same in friendship, I remember hanging out with people not as ambitious, happy or motivated as myself because I was scared of going so fast and so far so young, although deep inside this is all I want. If you check my bullet journal, I set goals for my self based upon my age and where I’d like to be.

I cried all day on my 20th birthday because I did not have my own successful business. I heard a lot of « it’s fine, you’re still young » or « you’re too hard on yourself », but bruh, I set myself goals that I wasn’t able to achieve because of myself. I’m crying for myself and because I deserve better.

Pray for me-

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